You Don’t Look Like Your Parents

Parents

Our friend, who submitted this question during a Q&A, is dealing with a common interaction in which someone curious about adoption wonders aloud about a particular layer of another person’s adoption experience.

For me, my response to statements like these over the years has become more about the person asking than about me. At first, I’d feel a little awkward, confused, or even a bit upset if a question/statement like this came up (these are all safe and essential and NORMAL feelings!). I mean, yes of course I don’t look like my parents, I’m adopted.

But I wonder, who’s asking? What would they like to know? What were they looking for, how were they hoping/expecting I’d respond? Or, what would they like me to know about them as they voice their observation about my family? Would they feel ok if I chose to talk about something else?

And for those interested in self reflection, an EMDR prompt might ask, “What am I feeling right now as I hear that statement? Where does that come from? And where in my body do I feel that, what’s it saying?”

For me, I’ve sometimes felt a knot in my stomach, or tightness in my chest. When I was a kid, those sensations might have been telling me, “I’m sad. I’m really sad and I miss my mom, I miss Korea.”

Later on as a teen and young adult, a statement like this might evoke a similar feeling, but with additional layers of strength, humility, and perspective – traits I’ve been able to hold with a sense of faith and hope.

Dear adoptee, there’s of course a thousand ways to respond to a statement like this. Whichever way you choose, I’m with you. I think what’s important is you’re considering it with courage, honesty, and intention. My hope is you’d continue processing these dimensions of your adoption experience with those you trust and love. Thanks for inviting me into that journey.

CONNECT

Receive daily doses of challenge and inspiration | follow Cam on Instagram @therapyreedeemed

IMG_7535.jpeg

Visit the archive and read in-depth discussions on adoption, theology, and psychology.

Like and stay up to date about events at the facebook page facebook.com/therapyredeemed

This website is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace professional psychological care.

Featured PC: Bernard Hermant at Unsplash

© 2019 Therapy Redeemed

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close